Dealing with drama in the office is one of many worst parts to be an executive. It gets the potential to suck the life out of you, and to kill your motivation, and for a lot of my clients, it leaves them wondering: "Why did I choose this career?" The most effective exemplory case of this is one my clients - we shall call him John.
John may be the CEO of a manufacturing company. He hates drama. You are able to literally see his skin crawl when he discusses it. His face scrunches up. His shoulders tighten and he winces when he discusses the most recent drama of the day. "I just don't get it. What is everyone's problem? Why can't they just do their work? It's like coping with children." Then his body crumbles, and he looks defeated. Exhausted. Helpless. Weighed down.
We could all connect with John. We have all experience political situations that individuals choose to forget. Those times when we're caught in a peak of workplace drama - anyone is upset, gossip in the corporation is rampant, and we feel just like a ping pong ball as we bounce around trying to make sense of the issue. So, what is an executive to do? If you should be caught in drama, how do you get free from this dark hole?
First off, let's discuss what not to do. John illustrates this well. Everytime John experiences drama, he avoids it. He literally shuts down. His face goes blank. He starts to squirm, and he typically nods in a placating way. Not surprisingly, the placating nod does probably the most harm. When he nods, people feel understood, however when John he takes no action, they get mad. Outcome? They attack John. Dramacool They whisper in the lunch room: "What's his problem? He doesn't do anything!" Many people get angry. The irony is that now folks have a brand new issue to bond around - John's deadbeat behaviour. It's not surprising that John has 45% turnover in his company. Not good.
So, the thing that was John doing wrong? Well, several things. For starters, he distanced himself from the drama to the level that he escalated the problem. By distancing himself, John became the main drama problem because nothing got managed in a constructive way.
Among the basic principles of coping with drama at the job is to acknowledge your emotional patterns whenever you encounter drama and to acknowledge how your typical reaction contributes to the problem. Does it escalate it? Enable others? Or diffuse it? If John could self-manage his reactions better, he could have got a different tactic when employees stumbled on him about issues. He would have expressed confidence inside their ability to take care of the problem constructively, facilitated the development of a behavioural code of conduct, or earned a skilled alternative party to help them. Instead, he was so busy managing his own anxiety, nothing got done.
Second, he created a "drama triangle" - a seductive high energy interaction which include blaming, defensive behaviour, and rescuing. Drama triangles are recognizably consistent no real matter what the facts of the problem and they include the following roles:
The Persecutor: "This provider is such a hole." "I can't believe the caliber of management." "It's all John's fault." "That VP, Sales is just a real idiot." All the power switches into finding someone or something the culprit for all the company's problems. Blaming somebody else makes people feel better and, needless to say, it indicates other people have to improve, not you.
The Victim: "I tried my best." "I couldn't get through." "They did this to me." This is the victim in the drama. They use a helpless tone, and don't take personal responsibility. They could look for you to definitely rescue them, or the culprit, to be able to eliminate their negative feelings.
The Rescuer: Rescuers need a victim to feel good. They're "do-gooders" without boundaries. "I'd like to fix this. I'd like to take this on." "I can save the day." "I'd like to rescue this poor person who was hard done by." Rescuers may try to help people without being asked, or they take a twisted pleasure in getting their nose into other people's drama.
Most people learn the energy to be a persecutor, victim, or rescuer as children and they repeat this behaviour inside their career without being conscious of it. Being an executive, if you engage in this behaviour or respond to it, you will escalate the drama and there would have been a price to cover - people won't desire to meet your needs, you will feel drained at the job, and you will produce a negative culture.
To break the cycle, you will need to create the tone of personal accountability, respect, choice, and principled behaviour in your organization and work culture. Here are a few specific tactics:
- Be cautious about drama triangles and start to look closely at who's playing the role of persecutor, victim, and rescuer. Be mindful that role you often play.
-Consider the payoff in your organization for taking on a particular role. Are people "bonding" with each other when they've somebody else the culprit? Are they avoiding coping with the complexity of issues by blaming anyone? Do the "victims" get pity? Do people feel sorry for them, or stay clear, thereby providing them with power? Are you creating dependence in your organization by rescuing people? Self-righteousness?
- Explore what is being avoided by participating in the drama. Are there some deeper issues in the corporation that have to be addressed? In that case, what're they?
- Notice your reactions to drama. What are you doing? Not doing? What are you taking responsibility for? Perhaps you have agreed to do significantly more than you intend to?
- Whenever you get triggered by a dilemma, concentrate on grounding yourself. Do not handle the drama until you may get involved without escalating your personal emotional reaction.
- Facilitate a healthy outcome by emphasizing principles - respect, honesty, and making agreements that work. Observe that the more intense the drama, the harder it will be to get individuals to come up with a healthy outcome.
-If you are too close to the issue available, obtain a facilitator or executive coach to facilitate healthy dialogue.
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